Alhamdulillah, in a blink of an eye (at least that’s how I felt lol), exactly six months of marriage have flown by just like that! I’m sure it’ll be very interesting to know how’s life being married at such a young age. Trust me, and be ready, because I’m not going to paint a beautiful picture for you all.
Let’s recap; me and Mr. A got married on the 16th of January, 2016 (16.1.16). It was indeed, one of the most blessed decision I have ever made. We’ve been together for three years before we got engaged, and coming to five years before we finally tied the knot. I will not just sit here and say, marriage life and the relationship before that was the same.
Sometimes we tend to always say, after being with someone for years and years, we know them in and out. We know them like they are our soulmates. In my opinion now, I was wrong. In fact, I was so wrong. I mean, not like in a bad way. It’s kind of like a culture shock, you know what I mean?
The first few months were kind of exhausting, I must say. Trying to adapt to changes, knowing there’s the two of you now, coming to a decision is much harder, chores have to be divided (accordingly and fairly), you can hear all the sigh-ings and mumbling, there’s nowhere to hide when you are sad and loads more.
There will be a period, where the both of you will constantly be in disagreements and will fight even about the smallest things. Why? It’s called adapting. I mean, it’s like learning to ride a bicycle. You have to fall down and bleed over and over again to know you’re never going to make the same mistakes again right?
And once you’ve got the hang of it, it will be a breeze. I’ve never experienced what I experience now in a marriage. I felt like I’ve learnt a whole new meaning to what’s responsibility, respect, sacrifices, understanding and trust. I believe that you mature each day, and every day is a learning process.
Responsibility; Each day, I have to give myself a friendly reminder that I have a husband to take care of. Not only of his food and drink, but also his heart, his feelings, basically his presence overall. So it’s my responsibility to make sure he’s content with my presence and companion around him.
Besides, heart and feelings, it’s my responsibility too to make sure that the house is well cleaned and taken proper care of. Trust me, your husband will be content if he comes home to a well-groomed wife, with the house clean and no mess. Personally, I’m content too if my house smells nice and is well taken care of.
Respect; I’m sure when you made the decision to get married, your partner is not one to play around and have a fling etc. You both know it’s time to settle down, bring out the best out of your spouse and be there for each other till death (if god willing). So, respect can come in various ways and how you portray it.
One way is to not act up easily when in an argument. Listen, analyse what he/she is saying, take it in, then only say what’s important and could bring the problem to an end. There’s no use bringing up the past, hating on each other, blaming one another, shouting in each others’ faces or bringing each other down.
Another way to respect your spouse is not to prolong an argument and try to avoid any possible arguments or just simply keep quiet. At the end of the day, you guys are living with each other and possibly till the end of time so, why not use up the time fighting by being happy with each other’s companion?
And lastly about respect, it’s important to carry yourself with utmost dignity wherever you go. Note to yourself that, you are now married and it’s important to take care of your family’s and spouses’ names right? Most important, we must learn to respect ourselves enough first to be able to respect someone wholeheartedly. Hope you all get what I mean.
Sacrifices; It’s not easy, trust me. Especially when it comes to ones’ family. You kind of have, ‘two sides’ now. You have to learn to be fair and to give & take. You have to accept your spouses’ family and parents regardless of how they are – vice versa. Sometimes it can be stressful, for me it’s especially during Eid.
You have to make time for both sides! And the fact that we only have like what, roughly 8 days of weekends only doesn’t make it easy for newlyweds. We have to equally divide the time to make sure, we get to go visiting for both sides of the family. But for the rest of the year, just ensure you visit both your parents every once in a while!
Another thing about sacrifice, is work. When work comes into the picture, time is the only main factor that gets sacrificed. You get to spend lesser time with them, mainly in the evening and also lesser time to ensure the house is proper and everything is well taken care of. So what do I do when I get back from work?
First thing is to cook. Yes, I work from 9 – 6 daily for 5 days a week and yes, I am VERY tired. But sacrifice, remember? But what does my Mr. A do? Just sit and relax? No! He’ll help wherever possible like when I’m cooking, he’ll do the vacuuming/mopping. If not, he’ll help to clean up after I’ve finished cooking.
PLEASE husbands/husbands to be (if any of you are reading), help your wife! It’ll be so much fun and when the workload is divided equally, both will be happy. So it’s worth it! After cooking and eating and washing all the dishes, spend time by watching tv shows/videos together.
For me and Mr. A, our daily routine is GOOD MYTHICAL MORNING by Rhett & Link! Omg we have so much fun watching them and also we watch Shane Dawson on a daily basis, basically anything that’ll bring laughter to the house. We’d spend time with our cat and rabbit, or watch a movie if it’s Friday night!
Go to bed early guys! That is like so important for us, actually. It’ll help both of you relax, you can have a heart to heart talk, plan the future and for me, it’s kinda nice to be able to wind down after a long day and just relax with them. Minimize the use of cellphones please! You can do that on the way to work whatsoever 😀
Understanding; I can’t emphasize how important being understanding is in a relationship in words. How you or your spouse were before married, try not to change that. An example in my case, Mr. A loves to play computer/mobile games and is freaking passionate about Manchester United LOL. He talks about it almost every day and gaming wise, yeah he spend a good amount of time on it.
After being married, yes it kinda frustrates me that he’s always on the phone especially during the soccer Transfer Window Season (I think that’s what they call it) and sometimes, he’ll play games for 3 hours straight. But to me, trying to make him STOP all that seems ridiculous.
So I told him, please, reduce your gaming time and spend more time with me. You can also focus on your soccer news when you are not with me during the day. So he understood it and we both tried to make it work. Alhamdulillah it has been great, so that’s one thing I could give an advise on.
Trust; This is like the foundation of your relationship people! It’s easy to explain, don’t get jealous over small things, let your spouses spend time with her/his friends (not doing stupid things like clubbing/drinking etc.). After all, I’m sure the reason you married your spouse is because you trust them to be your life partner right?
Another concept of trust is, you gotta trust that your spouse is going to be a good husband/wife. Don’t bring your spouse down, but bring them up and give them confidence instead. Trust your spouse to be able to give you a good life (with effort and hard work of course).
Trust your spouse to never leave you no matter what. This is important because sometimes, couples argue and they’ll lose trust. Try to hold on, be grateful, be positive and trust god that good things will come. I trust that Mr. A prefers me over Manchester United. Right Mr. A? HAHA!
No for real, me over Man-U right?!
Anyway, I know some will say “Oh you’ve only been married for 6 months, you know nothing yet about hardships in marriage BLAH BLAH BLAH”. Like I’ve said multiple times in my previous posts, there will always be people bringing you down and think they’re better. But who cares?
I’m sharing only what could be of benefit (in shaa Allah to married couples/soon-to-be married couples. Age doesn’t define maturity. Experiences does. There are days where me and Mr. A would only eat Maggi noodles for the whole day. But there are days where we would spend time dating outside and eating nice food.
We each have our own hardships and good times, but I’m not afraid to share it. Hardship comes in many forms, and it’s important we have trust and faith in god and know that it won’t rain forever. We get up, we have fun, we seek positive vibes and we set goals for ourselves.
I wish the very best for all married couples or couples that are planning to get married. Know that there WILL BE very hard times, but when the good times follow up after that, it’ll be all worth it. Love each other, stay strong for each other. That’s important. 6 months or 35 years, having faith in each other that counts.
One last thing, if you are ever wondering when am I getting pregnant, NOT YET! The time will come. Haha!